5 Cheat Codes to Winning at Life - Mark Manson

A short ebook that's a good distillation of many well-studied psychological concepts and tips.

The first cheat code, get good at feeling bad, is probably the most useful. It's a core tenant of stoicism and one you'll hear Mark Manson echo pretty frequently.

The section of emotions is also interesting, mostly because it succinctly explains why you might be feeling a particular emotion. I also like the take on happiness (which one could argue is not an emotion) as a default state. Happiness is boring, and while it's sometimes necessary, it's not something we should strive for if we want to grow.

As always, all of these are easier said than done.

Notes

1: Get good at feeling bad

Anxiety driven by rumination and focus on self.

"He who has a 'why' to live can bear almost any 'how'" - Nietzsche

There is nothing in this life that someone else hasn't suffered.

Be pessimistic about actions of world, but optimistic about ability to surmount them.

In other words, expect the worst, and be happy when you exceed that.

Never lose faith. But you must still confront the facts of your reality.

Part of us likes pain and struggle. Overcoming it makes us feel as though we've lived meaningfully.

2: Reset your mind

We choose how we measure success and self-worth.

Care about the things you do. That's how you invest in yourself.

Buddhist argument - don't get rid of emotional reactions, get rid of the meaning we attach to them.

Don't cling to the need to be right about your beliefs.

3: Manage your emotions

Emotions are feedback. That's it.

Emotions just come and go.

Happiness is our default state - it's a lack of desire for change or disruption.

Happiness has litle to do with the path we take in life and more to do with how much we control we take getting there.

Sadness is losing something important to us.

People who struggle with anger tend to feel a lack of control in other, more important areas of their life.

Fear tends to be a bellwether for important changes in our lives.

The more you're afraid of something, the more you should probably act on it.

Fear gets buried beneath distraction and compulsion.

Shame makes us feel self-obsessed.

Counteract shame by helping others.

Shame is the rejection of yourself.

Shame is a subtle form of narcissism.

Love is when we experience an unequivocal joy for the gains of someone else.

Love is appreciating someone because of their flaws and shortcomings, and not expecting anything in return.

We have more negative than positive emotions.

Negative emotions are more valuable to survival.

4: Achieve more by doing less

Solving problems is like food for your mind, but it needs a variety of stimulation.

The human brain is designed to manage 2-3 big tasks at a time.

Maintain perspective on the long-term goal. And remove the bullshit.

Only do 1 big task at a time.

Paretto - 80/20 - 80% of output will come from 20% of input. Look for 80/20s in your life. eg. if you eat 20% of foods 80% of the time, make the 20% healthy.

Distractions aren't just unproductive, they're anti-productive.

You grow by the ability to correctly focus on less.

Attention diet - remove junk info and replace it with nutritious info. Junk - unreliable, etc. short-form, flashy, emotionally charged. Nutritious - reliable, etc. long-form, analytical, encourages deep engagement.

Attention diet should be difficult to implement. You're removing low-level addictions.

5: Don't die alone

Better relationships, better life.

Make friends by investing in yourself. You'll be more interesting.

Seek more rejection. It'll help you find the right connections.

Deep, meaningful connections with fewer people.

Healthy relationships have no strings attached.

"The idea that couples must communicate and resolve all of their problems is a myth" - John Gottman

Most successful couples have persistent, unresolved issues.

Unsuccessful couples insist on resolving everything, creating a void.

You shouldn't feel the need to change somebody in order to love them.

Hurt each others feelings. Honesty over comfort.

Romeo and Juliet was originally written as a satire to represent everything wrong with romantic love and irrational beliefs about relationships.

Most accurate metric for your love of somebody is how you feel about their flaws.